Yesterday was kind of a giant word dump so I’ll make this short and sweet. Thanks to everyone who stuck it out til the end of my rant yesterday. Hahah.
Maybe it’s the spring weather here but I’m beginning to get a bit itchy for change. Could be allergies though. But I doubt it.
In its most basic form, this blog, this yearlong journey, has always been at its core, about change. Changing my attitude, changing my perspective, changing who I am. And now I’m starting to look towards other aspects of my life that have been constant and wondering if it’s time to change them too.
I haven’t been to my martial arts school in a month. I can’t quite place when it happened but this thought started to creep over me that if I were to reflect on my growth in the school, while I may know the forms and the stances and the poses, I’m not much of a better martial artist. The school is centered more around martial arts as a means of wellness. Which is all well and good. There are multiple studies proving the beneficial effects of tai chi and other martial arts in terms of longevity, flexibility, stress, and even digestion and circulation. But I don’t want to deny the nature and origin of martial arts. That is, to be able to fight. Not to pick a fight, but to defend oneself and others. I’ve been looking at schools in the nearby area and I’ve found a few that are a bit more towards that focus without sacrificing the awareness, meditation, and reflective nature as well. It’s a bit of yin and yang really. I’m starting to feel this need to shift.
Of course, I’ve been thinking more often about my friends and the time I spend with them and the things we do. I’m beginning to compile a list of the things I want to do or see or experience in spring and I’m already seeing a good number of them that my friends will probably not go for. I don’t feel like pressuring them into something they don’t want to do, I can’t make them change. As much as I want to shake the thirst for life and adventure into them, I have to respect and acknowledge that they are secure in themselves and that they are who they are. Some I can very well do on my own, and might even prefer it because at least I know I’ll enjoy and won’t be distracted. Others, I really wish I had some people to go with. So maybe in two weeks when I make another four-week planner, I’ll start putting in time to meet with some other local groups of similar interests or use apps like meetup to find people.
Mainly though, I’ve been thinking about my current job. The activity and demand has significantly decreased as of late, and an idle mind is the devil’s playground after all. I don’t think my free time has led me to evil thoughts or anything but I have been getting pretty lazy and lackadaisical. There’s a part of me that’s wondering if it’s time to request a change of position, but I know I need something that would pay much better too. My one year in this new position isn’t actually up until May, so I thought maybe I should wait until then. But I’ve been hearing rumblings that the system changes we did here are being done in our Canadian branches and they only have one person doing what three of us do here. I am, without trying to sound arrogant, the most experienced and knowledgeable member of our team. My boss constantly comes to me for clarification or assistance, and last week I met with my boss and our Canadian counterpart along with Canada’s president of operations to show them and explain to them how the systems work and what to show and tell our consultants. I’m wondering if there is an opportunity here. But this would be the biggest change of all. If the money and the job were good…would I be willing to really put myself on the line like that? I’d be leaving my friends, leaving the martial arts school, leaving my home, and starting truly anew. But it’s Canada and like, I loooove Canada.
The past two days, I’ve come to work extra early, worn my sharpest, cleanest, and best fitting uniforms, planning on talking to my boss. She’s been out both days sick. Tomorrow is the first Friday of the month, which means casual wear and we open the bar (I’m the company bartender, yes we have a company bar in the lounge). Is that really going to be the best day to talk about some major potential promotion? Should I still pursue it tomorrow or wait? Is this all a sign telling me not to?! I don’t know. But I’m open to suggestions. There’s a part of me that’s wondering if this is supposed to be my new path. I happen to know there are like, waay more Asians in Canada since it’s so much easier to get to, and the martial arts schools are bountiful. So you know, that too. Thoughts about asking heavy questions in jeans and a Power Rangers shirt?
Man: 204 Loneliness: 33