Day 79: The Man and the Unlikely Desire; ‘Jump’

What a silly, stupid, frustrating way to lose the day. Today goes to Loneliness because…I really really missed it.

A bizarre, cruel twist of fate. One of the rare few times I desire to be alone and goddamnit I cannot for the life of me squeeze a few minutes of privacy out of my day.

I really don’t know what happened today. I just wasn’t feeling it. Didn’t want to talk to others, didn’t really want to socialize, just felt a tiny bit of gloom over my head and I knew I needed to get ahead of it, give myself some alone time to recharge.

Got into work, didn’t go to my desk. Went to the Lido Deck (our communal space) and set up shop in one of the booths. Today of all days our marketing team decided to start shooting videos for our YouTube channel. You know, those cheesy company videos where we talk about what we do while playing ping pong so we seem hard-working but also fun. Scripted jokes. Scripted laughter. Do you know what wasn’t included in the script? A six-foot tall anti-social Asian man. So I was kicked out.

Okay, that’s fine. One of the things I do happen to love about my office is how modular it is. There are plenty of little private nooks and crannies with sofas, booths, tables, etc.So I find my own little niche and take a deep breath.

‘Where are you?!’

Oh god. The new girl. She’s texting me.

‘What do you need.’

‘Email came in and I don’t know how to respond.’

‘Alright, no problem. I’ll take care of it.’

‘No, I want to see how you do it. Where are you.’

‘Hiding, primarily.’

She didn’t take the hint.

I’m squeezed into this tiny little space and now she’s brought herself and her laptop. I didn’t ask for this. In fact, I asked for the complete opposite.

I think I struck out on almost every single social interaction I had today. I didn’t want to be with company at the moment so I was definitely curt (maybe more than I should have to be you know, a civilized member of society) with the new girl. And for some reason today all the people that I helped, and I helped a lot (that is the job description) either didn’t believe me and doubted my help and good intention or weren’t satisfied with my responses.

Their problems were fixed five minutes ago but now I’m either listening to them tell me they don’t believe what I’m saying and know more than me or are telling me that the solution is unacceptable and they’re too busy to work on fixing their mistakes.

I’m not in charge of this program you guys. I don’t have special powers. I don’t even get special emails. I am just a man who knows this system faster and better than others. I’m a teacher. I know the subject. I’m an expert in it. But I can’t change it. I can teach you math but if you don’t like that two plus two equals four I can’t…you know…make it five…so why does everyone look at me today like I can.

Everyone was an expert today. Nobody liked my answers or my solutions. They were kind enough to let me know this after we fixed their problems. At certain times I had to just pass it to the new girl because I couldn’t continue conversations just to justify what we did. I fixed your problem. I shouldn’t have to defend that.

Just not feeling it, you guys. There was an unfunkable funk that caught me today. Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I hadn’t really considered that trying to avoid Loneliness for so long I might have a few days when I need it around.

Sometimes I feel like I need to jumpΒ out a window like some action star just to escape some people. Here’s to better days.

Day 79

Man: 60 Loneliness: 19

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37 thoughts on “Day 79: The Man and the Unlikely Desire; ‘Jump’

  1. Sometimes we all have those days where don’t want to be social and I think people forget that. We need a time to kind of collect ourselves. I have days like that myself and I think what makes them difficult is that people don’t understand that you need to be left alone. I hope tomorrow is better for you! Rough days are inevitable.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah it’s weird. We live in a society, especially in work culture, where needing to be alone sometimes is so frowned upon. You’re ‘not a team player’ or you ‘don’t work well with others’. We seem standoffish and sometimes arrogant for it. Even the layout of my office implies as such. There’s been this war against cubicles and walls and now we’re all on communal tables. You know what, I’m saving this for a future post. The perils of being an introvert in an extroverted work environment. Hahah.

      Liked by 3 people

      • It is. I have never worked in an office atmosphere. I have always worked at jobs that require team effort. However, there are some days where I hate people. Lol. I’m not an introvert or extrovert. I think I’m both. I have my days. It’s frustrating, they say don’t bring your problems in, leave them at the door. That’s what they think is why you are acting the way you are. It’s not even a problem is just that you don’t want to talk to anyone lol. I don’t know what the big deal is. Also, I nominated you for a blogger award!

        Liked by 1 person

        • I’ve always defined introversion vs extroversion as how you gain energy vs how you spend energy. I gain energy by myself, expend it being around others. Others gain energy being in a crowd and expend it having to be alone. I could love a good party or hanging out with friends or going to a bar and meeting new people on my travels but always every time afterwards I’m just exhausted. But give me some time to myself and I could do it all over again. I think I’ve been around people too long recently.
          I just saw, thank you! I will post my response in conjunction with today’s writing but everyone I would nominate has already been nominated. But I’ll still want to express my gratitude and appreciation and give some advice to readers.

          Liked by 1 person

          • That’s how I feel. I used to go out to bars every other night with friends. They would hate it when I refused to go out a couple of times. I just needed time say from the scene. Like you said, it’s exhausting. I just need time to collect myself and then I will be back at it again. It’s a cycle!
            And no problem. You can always break the rules lol. Rules were made to be broken 😊

            Liked by 1 person

              • My friends are not like that lol. We see each other on the weekends as well as during the week. There is a few Mexican resturaunts in my hometown that offer 99 cents margaritas on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It’s an excuse to go out during the week. lol

                Liked by 1 person

                • I’m pretty sure my friends just play video games at night, but I have either boxing classes or martial arts practice so ain’t nobody got time even for 99 cent margaritas.
                  Kansas know how to party huh? I thought that was a Vegas thing but then I saw you said ‘hometown’ not new town.

                  Liked by 1 person

                    • I love my alcohol too. That’s why I built the bar in my basement. I prefer to drink in the comfort of home. I get to control what’s on TV and the service is better. Hahah. We usually only go to bar-bars for special occasions. But I am always up for some karaoke. I think I need to visit Dorothy and Toto.

                      Liked by 1 person

  2. New Girl: Where Are You?!
    .
    .
    .
    You: Hiding, primarily.
    New Girl: … what does that mean?
    You: (Jumps from wherever you were hiding) I AM HIDING! GET IT! DO NOT FIND ME!

    Just to… uhm… you know.. relieve stress. Hope this made you JUMP! Or … Laugh.

    Liked by 1 person

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