Right now as I’m writing this it’s 2am. I am supposed to be up in 4 hours and I have a total of 300 miles to travel today.
It’s technically day 9, but I purposely delayed writing this post because I knew I’d be up right now.
Just a little bit of what I do: I used to be a travel agent, and now my job is to learn the new systems agents use ahead of time then travel to all of our locations and train agents in the field in how to use them.
It’s a fun job, I get to teach and travel, but the hardest part is knowing that every night I’ll be in a different hotel in a different city. It’s a lot of time driving from store to store, city to city, state to state. And it’s also a lot of very quiet, very empty hotel rooms.
I used to have Beautiful to talk to at night, and that helped. But she’s gone now, and this is the first week I’ll have to deal with the silence alone.
I’m honestly dreading it. I’ve been having trouble sleeping at night and I find myself just flipping through channels late at night or discovering the depths of YouTube. I need that noise, the background hum of voices. I don’t usually seek out socializing or discussion. But I do take in a lot during the day. Observations, stories, jokes, I voraciously take in everything around me and that has to get out of my system. One of my favorite activities to do was to just call Beautiful up and tell her about my day, the people I met, the food I’ve eaten, the stories I gathered.
Now I have to reacquaint myself with the silence. Silence has always been a friend of mine, something I’ve valued and appreciated. But part of that was because I was chasing a way out of it. It’s easier to be okay with something if you think it’s only temporary. I’m going to become very familiar and hopefully very comfortable with silence in the next 357 days. I’ll never find myself wanting for opportunities considering my job seems to have me booked somewhere in the next two months at the very least.
I miss having someone to talk to. This is something I have found will be very important when I look for someone to be with. The ability to talk freely, openly, and often. I want to love the silence for what it is: the time when I gather everything to share with someone important.
Until then, I might keep sleeping with the TV on.
Man: 6 Loneliness: 2