By now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking to yourself, ‘Man, you said in your first post that you’ve never had trouble with women, and you said in your second post that you’ve got friends and family around you anyways; so what’s the point of your experiment? What makes it ‘worth it’?’ There are people out there who have been single, and will be single, much longer than this and who will not blink an eye at the experience. What does it even mean, really, to be ‘commitedly single’? (Hey, am I onto a new hashtag trend?! Hahah. OMG let’s do it! I just checked and I don’t think that’s a thing yet.)
ALRIGHT new topic. Let’s define ‘committedly single’. I mean you already know I have a deeply ingrained insecurity and fear about not being in a relationship. You know I’ve been hopping from one to another and they’ve all a) gotten progressively shorter as we go b) end terribly c) have had no real fulfilling or satisfying impact and d) never given me the chance to process what I think is a very important part of being a well-adjusted independent and productive member of society.
THEREFORE I have begun this experiment, now on day 3, of being ‘committedly single’. The biggest difference is the significant emphasis on not seeking out a partner. That’s really what I want to set out for myself as a goal to accomplish. A full year of being single and not trying to change the situation. Now I’m very familiar with my options. This means no CoffeeMeetsBagel. No OKCupid. No Tinder. No POF. No eHarmony and that founder who pronounces ‘this Fri-DEE and Satur-DEE’ so strangely. No Barnes & Noble hoping to find a shy book-girl in the aisles. Just being me, the best version of me, and working on me for the sake of me. Take a look at the painting at the top of my blog. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
What do you see.
Both are paintings by Brent Lynch. The left with the man is called ‘Cigar Bar’. The right with the elegant woman is called ‘Evening Lounge’. Together, they make for a place I’d probably get a good steak and whiskey, ‘Cigar Bar and Evening Lounge’.
But think of what these paintings symbolize. Together they make for a great image, a motif reminiscent of the ‘Godfather’, ‘Casablanca’, even ‘James Bond’. You can smell the cigar smoke wafting in the air. You can hear the jazz piano being played in the background. Listen for the clink of ice being dropped into the shaker. The sound of muffled footsteps on the velvet carpet. It works. But separate the images now. Remember that this isn’t a single painting but two put together. ‘Cigar Bar’ is a painting of strength, solitude, mystery. ‘Evening Lounge’ pours elegance, sophistication, and independence onto the page. They are complete paintings in and of themselves. And this is how we should feel about ourselves as well.
NO ONE should have to feel like an incomplete painting. A piece of puzzle waiting to be
completed. Our borders should be well-define. Those who look at us should see something whole and complete, for all intents and purposes ‘finished’. Now we may find at the very edges some areas that weren’t fully done, or maybe where there wasn’t enough paint applied and so it fades a bit. Maybe on the edge of the canvas we see evidence of where the painter thought to continue. But for the most part we’re ‘done’. And that’s how we should all feel not just in a relationship but before, after, and in-between. No one should ever have to feel like a puzzle piece, waiting to be completed, with those large holes and gaps, walking around with funky non-defined edges, with no one, especially yourself, knowing what the full picture is supposed to be. And no one should ever have to look at another person and feel like they have to ‘complete’ them because that’s a huge responsibility and not the
purpose of a relationship.
That’s what this year will become about. How do I become the best me for the sole reason of wanting it for myself. How do I, if I can, content myself with being single and find satisfaction and fulfillment in the things I do on my own. I’m not running to my next relationship. I’m not waiting to find the next woman who will ‘make me whole’. I will make myself whole, and present myself in full resolution to someone. Eventually. One day. Just 362 days from now.
So that’s what this experiment is about. Finding internal motivation and incentive. Purpose. To stop living for relationships and being ‘the relationship guy’ and become ‘Man’. And now, to discover and define this new term of ‘committedly single’, which I cannot wait to write more about. I’m excited. I’m fired up. This is it everyone. I’m pacing the floor. I feel electricity at my fingertips. Today overwhelmingly goes to MAN.
Man: 3 Loneliness: 0